Knitted Back Together

Liebster Blog

Oh my goodness, my word, look what I've been given!

How wonderful is that? I'm stupidly flattered. It's wonderful - and baffling - to think that people regularly stop by to hear my random wafflings about life. Claire from No Knitted Knickers nominated me for the Liebester Blog award - designed for those whose blogs have less than 300 followers (which mine definitely is, lol). Thank you Claire, you don't know what a big grin you've put on my face:D

Now it is my turn to nominate three more blogs that I enjoy reading. If you get five minutes to check these out, lovely reader, then please do. Ideally with a cup of coffee and a chocolate biscuit.

I've tried to choose blogs that I love reading that have not yet been awarded a Liebster blog.

So <drum roll>... congratulations go to...

 

Jenny Arnott Textiles

Paper-and-string

I Know I Need To Stop Talking

 

Congratulations to Jenny, Sarah and Kat, your award has been richly deserved. You provide me with entertainment most days of my life.

It was such a tough decision, sorry to those of you who I didn't nominate (and I have agonised over this). If ever I am lucky enough to win another award, I shall ensure that I pick another deserving three. Blogland is brilliant. Ladies of blogland, thank you for your blogs. They are a very precious part of my day.

50 Things

Good afternoon blogland! I'm not feeling brilliant today so haven't been crafting much. I have been sent this link, so I thought it'd make an interesting blog post for today. So <deep breath> here goes:

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5.30. I overdid it yesterday and was sore and hurty. Not the most auspicious start to the day.

2. How do you like your steak? Pretty much raw. Just bash it on the head and lead it to my plate, I say.

3. What was the last film you saw in the Cinema? Up! It was good, but I mainly slept whilst Dom wept. Whoops!

4. What is your favourite tv show? CSI, Silent Witness, Midsomer Murders, Edwardian Farm, Waking The Dead. I love grisly crime shows.

5. Where would you like to live if you could choose anywhere in the world? I don't know because I haven't travelled much. Somewhere rural and away from other people. I like my own space to the point of being antisocial in real life.

6. What did you have for breakfast? Weetabix. And a large self pitying slice of chocolate cake with cream at about 11am when I realised I was likely to feel rubbish for the day.

7. What is your favourite cuisine? I like good food from all over the world - it's so hard to make me choose, it's like being asked which is your favourite child! I'm not hugely keen on hot, spicy food. I do love traditional British food.

8. What food do you dislike? Raw tomatoes (ick) and peanuts

9. Place to eat? At home, the best restaurant in town.

10. Most annoying habit? I'm untidy. Being tidy takes great effort and I can always, always find something more enjoyable to do.

11. you are....? A dreamer

12. Favourite clothes? Jeans and tops. Comfort is key but I do like brightly coloured, quirky tops.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Rome. My husband feels a real connection with the place and I've never been.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Always 1/2 full.

15. Where would you want to retire? Somewhere sunny, warm and laid back

16. Favourite time of day? When you first snuggle into bed and relax. Especially if you're cuddling.

17. Where were you born? Worcestershire

18. What is your favourite sport to watch? Football. I don't follow normal games, but I like the internationals and get rather too involved.

19. Bird Watcher? Yes- we have fab (and rare) birds here in East Yorkshire

20. Morning person or night person? Definitely morning.

21. Do you have any pets? Two cats, TC and Jess, 11 chickens, 1 bantam and 100,000 odd bees

22. What did you want to be when you were little? I wanted to be like my mum when I was little. From about 12 I wanted to be a journalist.

23. What is your best childhood memory? Sunday school day trips to the seaside. Very old fashioned and very exciting.

24. Cat or dog person? Cat, definitely

25. Married? Yes, for 8 years this year. Best thing I ever did.

26. Always wear your seatbelt? Yes

27. Been in a car accident? Yes, a big motorway one, just the children and I. We didn't have any serious injuries, thankfully. It was a hideous and very scary experience.

28. Any pet peeves? Royal Mail. They are completely and utterly USELESS and I wish there was a viable alternative.

29. Favourite pizza topping? Ham and pineapple. So kitsch!

30. Favourite flower? I tend to like cottage garden flowers. Daffodils are fab because I'm always wanting signs of spring at that time of year. I'm drawn toward daisies mainly.

31. Favourite ice cream? Mint choc chip, but I'm not fussy!

32. How many times did you fail your driving test? Once. I was 22, a student, and 8 weeks pregnant with Jonathan so was feeling pretty vulnerable . I was completely over emotional and underprepared. I took it way too personally.

33. From whom did you get your last email?
From a friend about my money tree book

34. Do anything spontaneous lately?
My crafting this week. I've been trying to just open my mind and play rather than working out what's going to sell etc etc. I'm loving it! I'm definitely going to build more play time into my schedule in future.

35. Like your job? God, I adore it. I realised today I'd still spend my days making stuff even if I didn't sell it. You can't say more than that, can you?

36. Which store would you use to max out your credit card? eBay or Amazon. I hate trudging around the shops but I love buying stuff online. My postman gets weary of my habit.

37. Broccoli? Yum, yes please. We've got it for dinner tonight with sausages and jacket potatoes

38. Favourite vacation? As a family, Coombe Mill in Cornwall in February. We stayed in a cosy lodge on a farm and got up every day to feed the animals.

As a couple, it'd have to be our honeymoon in Jamaica. I'd love to be able to spend that sort of time together with Dom. I still adore him every bit as much, and more <vomit>

39. Last person you went out to dinner with? my parents, brother, aunt and cousin. It was lovely to catch up with my brother, Mark and my Aunt and cousin. I don't see them anywhere near enough.

40. What are you listening to right now? Radio 4 and audiobooks mainly.

41. Favourite colour? Scarlet.

42. How many tattoos do you have? None

43. How many are you tagging for this quiz? Anyone that would like to take part. Please feel free to add your comments or send me your links, I love a good nosey!

44. Coffee drinker? Yes but I prefer tea most of the time.

45. Smoker? No. Had a bit of a fling with smoking before I met Dom.

46. Irritating habit? Rubbing my feet together when I'm going to sleep. I'm not aware I'm doing it but it drives Dom mad!

47. Guilty pleasure? Too many to mention. Just the way I like it ;-)

48. Frustrated...? Designer. I'll get there one day...

49. Favourite game? Monkey Island and the like

50. Coast or inland? Coast. I am drawn to water, must be the pisces in me!

Go on, have a go, we would all love to read your answers!

Claire x

Play Time!

Hello gang, how are you doing? Well I hope? Quite a lot of my friends seem down in the dumps at the moment, I'm not sure if it's just that January feeling. I really wish I had a magic wand. Me, I'm doing quite well actually. I don't feel ill right now, just completely knackered. However, there's no shame in having a leeetle daytime rest is there? Good. I might take you up on that later ;o)

Today's opening picture is called 'anticipation'. It really made me smile. I found it on Sunday. Charlie's school have introduced a breakfast club where one can go for a half hour play before school plus juice, cereal and toast or a yoghurt. All for a bargain sum of 50p. Charlie was so very excited about having his breakfast at school and found it very difficult to wait. I was very touched to notice he'd written "tomorrow" on the school letter, unprompted, as he was counting down. And a heart. So sweet.

This week is a very special week for me, and I wish I had a bit more energy for it. My Doctor Who scarf is blocking, my orders have been made and posted and so I have that very rare combination of some time to myself and nothing to do. So I have been playing.

I have been pondering making textile pictures for some time. My notebooks are also very popular. It was natural that I would use these media to play with, I think. I've also been considering doing some craft fairs, and I suspect they're the sort of thing that would sell.

Looking for inspiration, I asked my Facebook friends for their favourite lyrics or film quotes. I got loads of brilliant ones, and have tucked away a few for future reference. Then, completely by chance, my friend Deb put this as her status update: "Wish I had a money tree so Andy could work less hours. We'd love to see more of him and his beard!"

Which inspired this:

It gave me a chance to play with my newly found love of machine embroidery - bliss. My favourite bit is the texture on the trunk and the apple button that's fallen off the tree. The sentiment is for my lovely husband, Dom.

The back of the notebook can't be plain. So look what fell out of the sky of inspiration:

I suspect we'll be seeing more of that apple motif. I'm quite taken with it.

I wanted the notebook to be practical too. So I made three flaps for holding folded paper, tickets, photos or postcards. Plus two business card holders - one for your cards and one for other people's.

What do you think? Do you like it? I'm planning to spend the whole week playing - it's a really liberating experience. I'll post the fruits of my labour - good and bad - as I go through the week.

If you want to help inspire the creative tangle in my head, please drop me a note with your favourite lyric, film quote or saying. I'll happily credit you with the inspiration and add a link back to your blog, if you wish.

Sending you lots of creative vibes

Claire x

 

Saturdays

Saturdays are a lazy affair at The Cottage, especially in winter. Jonny always goes to football training, so often Dom goes with him taking a flask of coffee and reads in the car.

Today, Jonny was at a friend's house for a sleepover. Instead Dom, Charlie and I rolled out of bed late and trundled down to our local garden centre, Sandhills, for a mug of tea and a bacon sandwich. Yum.

Sandhills is one of those places that sums up our weekends. It's a pretty relaxed, run down even, sort of place but the food is good. I like to spend an hour wondering amongst the flowers whilst Charlie plays in the play area. They have pet sheep and chickens, giant rabbits and a pet shop next door with parrots and tortoises. You don't need to dress up, or wear make up, and everyone is polite but distant enough for early morning anonymity. Just the place for a young family to enjoy mooching.

This afternoon I will finish the tassles on my Doctor Who scarf and block it - the taa-daa picture will come soon. I had an order last night for eight metres of pirate bunting, so I have a date this afternoon with a mug of tea, my sewing machine and radio 4.

Dom will clean out and feed the chickens, check the bees are OK and get on with some DIY jobs around the house.

Saturdays here are a quiet, home based affair. I'm glad we don't go shopping or other traditional Saturday pursuits; there's something very lovely in marking time in this slow, domestic, cosy way of ours. Soon it will be time for working in the garden; I'm enjoying the chance to laze around whilst it lasts.

Claire x

PS Lucy at Attic 24 has a fab recipe on her blog for cheesy nibbles. I may have a go at baking these this afternoon.

 

First Taa-Daa of 2010 : Hand Knit Socks!

Well, I am very proud of myself for this one, because this time last year knitting socks felt like the very pinnacle of knitting - and something I would never achieve. However, I have, and here they are!

These socks were knit using Colinette Jitterbug 4 ply yarn - not cheap at £9.95 per skein, but amazing to work with. I bought the yarn back in September and was saving it for a special occasion.

The one thing that drives me mad about "posh" yarns are having to change it from a skein to a ball. I know it's suposed to show off the colours better but, frankly, it's a pain in the arse. You don't buy cotton in a skein to put onto a bobbin before using on a machine do you? Hmm? Hmm?? Also, I am not a huge fan of variegated yarns. They always look great on the skein, but go a sort of grey colour when knitted up. I like my colours pure and strong. Except in this case, where the colours are strong enough to speak for themselves.

I got second sock syndrome, so I waited about a fortnight between sock one and sock two - the novelty of wearing one sock wore off after ... umm ... about 24 hours. I am such a child.

Anyway, this was a good one to start the year with - and was #54 from the 101 in 1001 list!
 
The pattern is here, if you want the link: http://knittinggirl-lovetoknit.blogspot.com/2008/03/magic-loop-socks-tutorial.html 

Satisfaction Rating: 8/10. They're a bit baggy around my heels and were quite fiddly to do. But I am very pleased I completed them.

It's not my fault, it just fell....

<whistles innocently>

I have, for the longest time, been very taken with the wonderful ripple blankets that Lucy at Attic 24 makes:

I think one would look just fine on our bed. And this is not helped at all by the fact that Lucy has the same bedding as us in this photo, oh no no no. It just helps me to visualise it all the more.

The one thing that has prevented me from making such a blanket simply is the cost. My usual tactic is to start with a few balls, then add more and more. That way, I hide the true cost from myself. I like to use different types, textures and shades as I think that adds so much to a granny blanket - after all, they're not supposed to be beautiful and uniform, are they? Originally they were made from odds and ends, and I like to take this approach with my own blankets. However, unlike Granny squares, the problem with a ripple blanket is that you need to plan the colours carefully and additional textures won't add anything (in fact I think they would detract) because the pattern is so busy anyway. This is pure colour work. Which means planning in advance, in a line with several shades, which tends to = £££.

I didn't want to make a family heirloom from really cheap acrylic either, especially as this is a grown up thing. I hope it will be used and admired for many years to come. 

Today, I happened to Google "sale yarns". Don't do this, ever. Anyway, I found an online retailer that was selling Debbie Bliss Pure Cotton for 99p a ball, reduce from £3.65. Some were slightly more expensive (£1.69) but still, that's a hefty saving. So I indulged. Then I realised quite how many colours I would need for it to be effective, and how many balls of each, but by that stage it was too late - I was hooked. This is what I bought:

I bought them from Stash and Kangeroo.

I needn't say much more, need I? Just gaze lovingly at the wonderful colours and drool. Well, that's what I shall be doing anyway. No licking the screen allowed, lovelies!

It was very, very naughty. But oh, oh so nice......
 

 
 
 

101 in 1001 Challenge

1001 in 101 : The Project

 

It's January 2010 and I am starting to feel as though I am recovering from the depression. I need something to keep me busy, and to help me keep pushing myself and putting me out of my comfort zone little by little. The 1001 in 101 project seems ideal.

The idea is to make a list of things you want to do over the next 2.75 years of your life. Each task must be achieveable and time limited. Since I have recently experienced a very driven stage of my life in which target setting was a daily task, I will prioritise goals that I believe will bring me greater life satisfaction, happiness and self awareness. These may well be trivial to others, but will hopefully help me achieve my biggest goal: to discover who I am now and what I want to do with my life.

More information about this project can be found here: http://dayzeroproject.com

Start Date: 1st January 2010

End Date: 29th September 2012

The List

Items crossed out have been achieved

Items in italics are underway

 

 

Items Relating to The List

1. To write my list of 101 things and upload to my blog. (1/1)

Challenges

2. To make 5 phone calls a month

3. To answer the door whenever it knocks.

4. To go on an aeroplane. (0/1)

5. Smile when I want to cry.

6. Clear the credit card 

7. Complete a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle (0/1) 

8. Ride on a rollercoaster (0/1)

 

Personal

 

 

9. To enrol on a new course. 

10. To dye my hair at least 4 different shades. (4/4)

11. To read a book every 3 months. (11/11) 

12. To wear wacky socks every day for a month. (0/30) 

13. To conceive my third child 

14. To grow my hair to my bottom. (1/1) 

15. To visit 3 stately homes. (0/3)

16. To visit at least two art galleries (0/2)

17. To visit at least one photography exhibition. (0/1)

18. To keep an art journal 

19. To crochet a handbag. (1/1)

20. To write a letter to the me that was in 2000. (0/1)

21. To write myself an letter that I will open in 2020. (0/1)

22. Make a will  (0/1)

23. Have a massage (1/1)

24. Have a facial (1/1)

25. See five films at the cinema (3/5)

26. Buy a piece of artwork I love (0/1)

27. Buy false eyelashes and wear them on a night out (1/1)

Health

 

 

28. To go to the dentist (1/1)

29. To eat my 5 per day every day for 30 consecutive days. (0/30)

30. To permanently reduce my alcohol consumption to 10 - 15 units a week

31. Go 30 days in a row without eating takeaway. (0/30)

32. Go 30 days in a row without eating chocolate. (0/30)

33. Swim twice weekly for at least three months

 

Romance

 

34. Spend at least 10 times beekeeping with Dom. (0/10)

35. Have at least one date per month with Dom, even if it is at home. (0/33)

36. Spend six weekends away with Dom. (0/6)

37. Send my husband a love letter (0/1)

38. Kiss in the rain (0/1)

 

Family

 

39. To start an open diary to Jonathan. (0/1)

40. Take the children swimming 5 times. (5/5)

41. Go camping four times. (2/4)

42. Own a new pet. (0/1)

43. Have a picnic. (0/1)

44. Go for ten walks on the beach. (2/10)

45. Create a piece of art with the boys for the playroom. (0/1)

46. Teach Jonathan to cook five dishes (0/5)

47. Teach Charlie to read (1/1)

 

Friends

 

48. Give 5 'I saw this and thought of you' presents. (0/5)

49. Send 10 handwritten letters. (0/10)

 

Helping others / the planet

 

50. Donate something for charity each month (money, time, items) (0/33)

51. Perform five acts of random kindness (0/5)

52. Donate blood four times (0/4)

53. Plant a tree for each decade of my life (1/4)

Craft

 

54. To learn how to do interstarsia knitting and produce an item. (1/1)

55. To open an Etsy shop to sell my hand crafted items. (1/1)

56. To knit a pair of socks. (1/1)

57. To knit a handbag. (1/1)

58. Make three quilts  (2/3)

59. Knit an item using only double pointed needles (0/1)

60. Make and felt an item for the house (1/1)

61. Dye a skein of yarn (0/1) 

62. Learn how to spin yarn (0/1)

63. Make an item of clothing for myself (1/1) 

64. Make an item of clothing for Charlie (1/1)

65. Attend a craft fair both as a buyer and a seller (1/2)

66. Crochet a handbag (1/1)

 

Blogland and T'interweb

 

67. Update my inspiration album once per month. (0/33)

68. Keep a blog of your personal achievements and photography that is updated weekly. Read it and feel good about your place in the world.  (0/143)

69. Leave a comment on someone else's blog every week (0/143)

 

Home and Garden

 

70. Hatch duck or hen eggs (1/1)

71. Grow at least 10 different sorts of veg. (0/10)

72. Take a course in butchery. (0/1)

73. Slaughter and cook a hen. (0/2)

74. Have cut flowers every fortnight. (0/72)

75. Decorate play room (1/1)

76. Decorate lounge (0/1)

77. Decorate hall (0/1)

78. Finish kitchen (1/1)

79. Make blinds and curtains for dining room (0/4)

80. Landscape / move plants to front garden (1/1)

81. Make new vegetable plot (0/1)

82. Use the Lady Shed for my projects between May and September

83. Put all the family photographs up in the hall (0/1)

 

Words and Pictures

 

84. To write 10 short stories. (0/10)

85. Take a photo of all 101 things. (0/101)

86. To upload a photo every week to HPAD group on Flickr (0/143)

87. Make a photo yearbook of our family life at The Cottage for each year (0/3)

88. Make a photo collage of each month at home in The Cottage. (0/33)

89. To organise my photo files every month. (0/33)

90. Take a photo of 30 happy things. (0/30)

91. Arrange Charlie's baby photos into an album (0/1)

92. Take family photos off computer and put into albums (0/1)

 

Seize The Day!

 

93. To jump in a puddle (1/1)

 

Culinary

 

94. Cook 101 recipes from my cookery books. (0/101)

95. Bake once a fortnight.

96. Eat in a Michelin starred restaurant. (0/1)

97. Make a birthday cake for Dom, Jonny and Charlie each year. (6/9)

98. Make a Christmas cake each year. (2/3)

99. Cook a souffle (0/1)

100. Buy meat from a local butchers 20 times

101. Try sushi (0/1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inspiration

It's a dark, cold, rainy day here at The Cottage today. This is the view from my kitchen window.

 
I am enjoying it more than you might imagine, actually. I realised this morning that winter is important for the natural cycle of things - the ground becomes wet, the plants rest and gain energy to burst forth in the spring. The cold makes us appreciate the warmer, longer days of summer. Yes, winter feels like a good metaphor for my experiences at the moment.

I haven't blogged for a few days. Charlie and I had Norovirus last week - yuck! Also, I really loved my last post, especially the picture. And I didn't want to spoil the picture and the optimistic sentiment with more tales of depression.

So, I have put together a collage of inspiration. These are clippings from magazines that inspire me - largely Country Living, but there may be others. Many of these pictures were snipped out months ago, so I am afraid that I cannot give sources.

I like the idea of having an online source of inspiration. If you're experiencing depression, I really would recommend starting a blog. It allows me to see my life through outsiders' eyes. That's really helpful, especially as it allows me to focus on the positive. I look at lots of other blogs too, and this helps me feel part of that community. However, the idea of an online scrapbook, that I can dip into when I need a lift or an idea, really fills me with inspiration. I am not very good at creating scrapbooks as I don't like cutting pictures out from magazines, I like to keep them whole. Taking photographs feels like a good compromise.

Dots are really doing it for me at the moment - dots and stripes. Can you see the multicoloured buttons on the red coat earlier? Oh, that gives me a thrill. However, it's a silk coat, price on application. Which means it is way, way above my budget! I have a black mac, and I am considering putting multi coloured buttons on that. What do you think? The other mums in the playground think I am a bit eccentric anyway, and I am tempted to do it just to spite them..

Don't you just love the lime of the scarf and the pom poms? And the dotty books? Ooh, my fingers are itching to get on with something... Look at the umbrellas on that book cover! I so want a pretty umbrella for Christmas, mine is plain black and very uninspiring. Look at how a pretty umbrella could brighten up a day like today!

In depression news, I had my first session of CBT last Thursday. It went well, I liked my counsellor and I found it thought provoking. However, I am finding it difficult. She has given me some workbooks to work through before next week, and I am finding it really tough going. I am finding that don't actually want to talk about the depression much, I would rather ignore it. Self pity is an easier state of mind than challenging one's fears.

I am suprised at how I feel, to be honest. I thought I was completely up for getting better. Now I am not sure whether I have wallowed enough. I am starting to see little green shoots of recovery, I just want to quietly cherish those for a while before ramping it up to challenge the big problems. I still feel private, retreated. I feel as though I am starting to wind down now; the idea of winding myself back up is frightening.

I find it hard to acknowledge these feelings. It's easier to just think 'sod it' and do what I have always done. I am trying not to, though. I have deliberately answered the door and made phone calls over the past few days. I am not sure the relief is as instantaneous as the books describe, but I am still going to keep trying, because I don't know where this will lead me. I just have to put my faith in the system, which isn't the easiest thing to do.

I hope you are well and making the most of these cold days. I am thinking of you.

With love

Claire x

Remember, remember the 5th of November...

Good morning one and all. I hope you are OK today. I'm fair to middling, but I'll come onto that later. It's a gorgeous morning here is East Yorkshire - it's quite warm, actually (15 degrees) and sunny, with a heavy dew and mist. The fog buzzers on the Humber haven't been going regularly yet, but they soon will. The locals call the mist a sea "roake" - a word I'd never heard of until last year.

The pictures are of the Cottage garden this morning.

The boys are excited about bonfire night - we may go to a display at the local pub, Barn Farm, where we went last year. They both have a yearning for marshmallows that we apparently ate last year - how do children remember such things?! The pub has a HUGE pile of firewood that makes me laugh whenever I pass, it's literally the size of the two storey pub, although it's set well back in the field behind. A few weeks ago, a sign appeared outside the pub saying "firewood wanted for bonfire" then, the next time I passed this mountain of sticks and pallets had appeared from literally nowhere. Next, a rather pained sign saying "NO MORE WOOD!!!" appeared. It really makes me chuckle.

Personally, I am a bit out of sorts. I have actually had quite a good week, and I nearly posted on Facebook yesterday saying "Claire thinks she might be turning a corner." Do you think that jinxed it?! Hmm, me too! The house is a complete hole and it's getting me down, although I still feel fluey so have spent a lot of time on the sofa. I had a night of nightmares last night - does anyone else get these on SSRIs? I haven't had one for weeks, but these were real corkers, the sort you just can't properly wake up from and shake off. Dom was lovely, he woke up properly and just held me. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love that man.

When I wasn't dreaming that I was being chased by someone with a knife, or that everyone secretly wanted me dead and was plotting my murder, or that I was hiding behind a door whilst someone was chopping it down with an axe, I dreamed that I was an undercover policewoman pretending to be a stripper. The main things that worried me were a) uncomfortable stilettos, and b) the fact I was wearing a big 80s style multicoloured wig and I was worried it would fall off and my true identity would be revealed. I have to say, though, my flat stomach was something to behold, even though it was Tango orange. I wish I could rerun that part of the dream, I don't think I have ever seen myself with a flat stomach before.

There was also some other weird stuff, I could see shapes changing and morphing into other shapes and flashing lights. I really was afraid I was going mad, but deep down was wishing it on myself. Looking back, I must have been dreaming or at least semi-conscious, but it was disconcerting. If anyone can analyse dreams, please let me know what you think...

I have declined a social invitation today with the inlaws, which I am feeling relived about. They were very understanding - my mother in law sent me a text this morning saying she loves me, which I was very touched by. They have been fabulous. She and Dom had a disagreement about my treatment last night, and that has thrown me. He is of the opinion that I should be out and about and trying to act as normal. She is of the opinion that I should rest and take my medication at the same time every day, regardless of how woozy it makes me feel. They are both right in parts, and I try to do both things. I rarely go out, to be honest, and that's the way I like it. I know it worries Dom. But when I do have to drive, I try to go out when I'm not woozy (usually late afternoon) or take my tablets when I get home (approx 3 hours later, which you could easily do once a week with a lie in, for example, and not worry about.) Anyway, for whatever reason, I feel a bit got at. I just want everyone to leave me alone. I don't know when I will be back to normal and, to be honest, I've given up hope in the medical services. I worry that my family are frustrated with me but I don't have the answers. I have never had depression before. I have never lived this life before and, mostly, I can't be arsed to think about it. So I upset people. Gotta love the depression.

Anyway, I fear I have whittered on too long today. THANK YOU so much for listening, you have no idea how much it helps. Blogging, and reading other blogs, keeps me plugged into the world in a way I can cope with. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

All the love in the world

Claire xx

PS I've had a disaster with the scarf, and may need to unpick several rows. Will report back tomorrow.

Winter is a-coming

Hello ladies and gents of Blogland. How goes it for you today? The weather has been odd here - darkness almost like night and heavy rain, then bright sunshine. And it's cold. Are you feeling the cold too?

To be honest, I had forgotton that I actually quite like this time of year. I always think of winter with dread. A couple of years ago I convinced myself that I had Seasonal Affective Disorder, but that was before I was prepared to acknowledge that it was common-and-garden depression. A lot of the blogs I read are mourning the loss of summer light and colour - I love that too, but I also like these dark days more than I remember I do.

This evening it's dark and cold outside. Charlie is tucked up all snug in bed. Dom is working in the kitchen. Jonny is watching a film, and I am on here talking to you. The house smells of a winter fragraced candle and the lights are dimmed. We are eating pumpkin soup and freshly made bread. The whole place looks and feels cosy. I am happy to wear socks, drink hot drinks, wrap up in blankets and light the fire. My only sadness is that we can't have a real fire in our sitting room as we have no chimney. There is one in the playroom, but that's not as comfortable and cosy.

I've got  a stinking cold though - how are you getting on with the winter germs? My tonsil is still swollen - it's been 3 weeks now - so I made an appointment with the doctor for next week. That's right - I used the phone today, TWICE! I am very proud of myself, even if I did cringe and hide when someone knocked on the door. Baby steps count. I am happy to chalk up the progress and ignore the weak spots.

Also, I want to show off my Christmas cake that I made yesterday, infusing the house with a warm, fruity, spicey aroma. Hmmmmm.

My main priority was to make something that cost as little as possible - and I am really chuffed with this one - it was free! Technically that's not really true, as I had to buy the ingredients in my cupboards in the first place, but it was adapted to include only things I already had in stock. I even managed to get the ready made icing from our local Co-Op for 29p!

It is loosely based on Mary Berry's classic Christmas cake.

625g sultanas

half a jar of cocktail cherries, chopped, plus the liquor

200g dried apricots, snipped into pieces

50g (2oz) mixed candied peel, finely chopped

about 10 dried prunes, chopped

150ml (¼ pint) Stones Ginger wine, plus extra for feeding

2 tbsp orange juice

250g (9oz) soft margarine

250g (9oz) dark muscovado sugar

6 eggs

75g (3oz) blanched almonds, chopped

50g walnuts, chopped

225g (8oz) plain flour

1½ tsp mixed spice

1/4 teaspoon grated nutmeg

You need to begin this cake the night before you want to bake it.

1) Measure the dried fruits into a large bowl. Mix in the ginger wine, the orange juice and the cherry liquor and leave overnight.

2) Pre-heat the oven to 140 degrees centigrade, 275 F or gas mark 1. Grease and line a 20cm deep round cake tin with a double layer of greaseproof paper. I also greased a couple of muffin tin holes so I could make a couple of mini Christmas cakes, for testing (obviously very important!)

3) Measure the flour, spices, margarine, sugar, eggs, almonds and walnuts into a large bowl. Beat well with an electric whisk for 2 mins until the cake mixture is a light coffee brown colour.

4) Add the soaked fruit and fold in well until properly combined

5) Pour into baking tins. Last year I used muffin tins for mini Christmas cakes, and these worked brilliantly (although icing 12 individual cakes was a bit labourious.) Cleaned, empty baked bean tins would also work well. If you're cooking one large cake, double layer the top with greasproof paper. This isn't necessary with smaller cakes.

6) Bake in centre of preheated oven for 4 - 4.5 hours. For individual cakes start to check after approximately 90 minutes. It will feel firm to the touch when cooked, and a skewer will come out clean.

Allow to cool in the tin, then put into a cake tin. Pierce with a fine skewer and slosh on a couple of tablespoons of booze of choice weekly until Christmas.

The final result was a tangy, apricotty, nutty cake. It hasn't matured in flavour yet, so it'll be interesting to see if the spices become more developed. It isn't as dark and treacle-y as some Christmas cakes I have made, but personally, I prefer it this way.

Keep me posted on any changes you make if you attempt your own store cupboard Christmas cake. I love to hear how you're keeping the Christmas costs down.

Time for me to go now, and spend a happy half hour browsing my favourite blogs - you can see them by clicking the list in the left hand bar.

Take care of yourselves, and see you tomorrow.

Claire xx

PS Cadbury's Caramel Bites. To die for. Just try them.